She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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