when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
