Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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