I want to walk on stilts...naked
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
