but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We are two peas in an std pod
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
