I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
