dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize