there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
