she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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