I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
