Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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