Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize