I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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