someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
