you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize