I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
