im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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