also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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