you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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