I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
