He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
