I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
