her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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