Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this beer tastes like vomit already
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
