it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
