Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
