I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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