I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
