I wish I only lived at night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
