you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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