someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
