Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
