Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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