new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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