This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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