That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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