I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize