I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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