I just pynch a tree in the face
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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