How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
