My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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