My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize