He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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