is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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