I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
