i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
