So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
