He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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