Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
