I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
