You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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