Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
