I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
