I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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