I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
