So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
