You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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