i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
