she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dignity is for republicans.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
