my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize