Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
