I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
whose parrot is this?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
