Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
