So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
