once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
