Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize