ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and she was petting her beer can
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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