The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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