Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
