I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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