She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
