Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
