so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
